Intellectual, Emotional and Mental Integrity: The Value of Being Human

Emotional, mental, and intellectual integrity begin at the core of you. Your true self, who you are, and your deepest values and beliefs shape who you are. Your ENTIRE. EXITENCE. Depends on that integrity.

How can such a vague form of value exist? It’s simple.

It all stems from intellectual freedom.

There are many types of freedom out there, as perceived by different humans in different cultures. But if there is one thing we all seek out, desperately, from the deepest parts of our souls, it is intellectual freedom.

This kind of liberty can be obstructed and obscured by a constant badgering of external, forced dogma. A kind of obstruction created by idiots, morons and fools whose ideals are easily accepted by the world around them, because it is ‘what everyone else believes’.

Human brains did not become what they are today, they did not evolve into these brilliant bumpy pink masses of crazy magic to believe the same exact thing everyone around us believe.

We need our own personal philosophies. Without our own perspectives on the world, honed and crafted through YEARS and experience and simply existing and truly pondering the world around us, time and effort spent in silent contemplation, we would be nothing. We would lose all our depth, we would feel hollow and valueless. And I am not saying this out of the blue, I am saying this because that is how I have been made to feel.

You see, for five years, I had to fight for my existence by pretending to agree with morons around me, whose ideals were so contradictory to mine, so horrendous and atrocious in my eyes, I felt sick when I felt like I had to not just tell them the truth. I’ve always been the kind of person to say what I truly think, so when I experienced the disgusting, sheltered, cloistered culture I had at university, I wanted to vomit. Everywhere. Like the girl from The Exorcist.

My self, what people sometimes call soul or spirit or whatever, my true self, who I am behind the illusion of the ego, was sick. I felt like I had an internal fever, which manifested in exhaustion, depression, numbness, and a complete lacklustre outlook on life. I used to look at the world through eyes that saw sparkles and shine in pretty much everything. I was interested in so much! I wanted to learn everything, I was this fun, chaotic ball of curiosity and creativity. And I did it because I loved it, and no other reason.

I wanted to go to university to pursue physics when I was 18 and I had graduated from school. Instead, I got kidnapped by a creature so vile, so base, even parasites stuck on rats hold more value. Imagine being so disgusting that your very being, your existence, is somehow just nothing. Some people do that, you know. Some people do that by being the worst pieces of crap they could be, and they never try to make amends or go out to become better people. Nah, they just remain the same old piece of crap they’ve always been, bringing as much suffering and misery around them as possible.

And these… things are not your responsibility. And they are not your fault. No matter whom you’ve encountered that’s been like that, just know that it’s nothing personal, everything they’ve ever said to you doesn’t matter because it all comes from their own core beliefs that they are deficient. It all comes from this deep scar tissue that they developed, covered up with something we’ll call a protective self, and then proceeded to try to spread it to others.

But what makes you genuinely better? Well, you actually are trying to improve and get past it. You don’t wish to cause harm to those around you.

Even though your form of it was mainly self-abusive, instead of harming others.

Man, even their form of coping was shit, huh?

And no, I don’t owe them any sympathy or empathy. That’s really not my job. My job is to take care of myself and give sympathy and/or empathy to people who earn it. People who give me reasons to care for them. Abusers don’t fucking deserve your empathy because no matter what, if you even let them in a tiny little bit, all they will do is try to feed on your positivity.

Hear me right now. You are not a medical professional, you cannot help them. Unless they seek help from someone qualified, or put in the work themselves, they will keep being crappy. It is not your place to fix them, so, stop.

Okay, got way off track here. Back to the toxic world around you.

There is a thing that happens when you become traumatised. You start to invalidate yourself, in every way possible. It’s so much worse when you invalidate your core beliefs and values. When you sweep yourself under the rug like dust, every time you encounter a situation where you can either say what you truly think, or get killed for your beliefs.

That, I’ve read, is the worst form of suffering. Doing things that go against your beliefs and values. Contradicting your very reality, your very existence.

It makes sense, right? I can see that being a torture method, honestly. Just drill it into people: your ideas are bad, you are bad, you shouldn’t say these things, say what I think, believe what I think, never contradict me so you don’t make me uncomfortable, never make me face the reality you want to live.

It’s such a stupid, immature, childish mentality, and I am sick and tired of and I am so fucking done with this bullshit, tar-like envelope around my heart, my insides, my very being, just coating everything that I am, that I could be, all those very harmless things I think/feel/believe that make me, me, that not only do not harm other people, but they don’t even harm me. In fact, they MAKE ME HAPPIER. Because they make sense to me.

So, you know what?

Fuck you. Fuck you and your stupid beliefs that you protect like a child afraid to live in a world without Santa.

Fuck you and your inability to allow for intellectual freedom and intellectual integrity.

You disgust me. You are everything I despise and disapprove of.

Intellectual freedom is a human right.

No one should be imprisoned in their own fucking minds.

Lastly, I just want to say: you are you, and you are free to be whoever you want to be, and believe whatever you want to believe.

I know who I am, I know my beliefs, I know that the bullshit, the toxic waste that’s been building up over the years that now gets thrown at me by my brain for simply having thoughts the world around me deemed wrong or bad… holy fuck, big epiphany moment.

I just realised that whenever I’d think something truthful, something I want, something people would stone me for… I would feel like OH NO I CAN’T THINK THIS IN PUBLIC. PEOPLE CANNOT KNOW THIS OR THEY’LL KILL ME.

And that built up a ‘defence mechanism’, a flawed system where my brain would shame me, throw the weirdest, most unnatural, un-me things that it could at me, so I would stop and could not enjoy anything in that vein.

… Wow.

It all built up from this horrendous, toxic community around me, where I was constantly being made to feel like I was wrong, bad, weird, a freak, for simple, harmless things.

… Fuck them.

Honestly? Fuck them. FUCK. EVERYONE.

I am done.

Never fucking again, shit.

Middle fingers up, because in this world, we don’t give a shit, we don’t assign any value to worthless, scummy shitbags who make others feel like crap for being different from them. We don’t let those afraid of the other make us, the open-minded, accepting, non-judgemental people take shit and stupid crap from them. We don’t listen to the sick assholes who want to stifle everyone’s worlds and mental freedoms.

We are resilient, strong, courageous.

We never give up.

We smile, broadly, brightly, powerfully, like ancient, magical beings, capable of infinite, unconditional love and deep, pure emotion, unafraid of the idiots. We do not give a fuck about the poison. We simply live our lives for ourselves, and we live with those truly worth loving.

You do not owe the world anything. You don’t have to like everyone or care about everyone.

You owe yourself everything. And you owe it to yourself to live a happy life, where you couldn’t give two shits what morons think of you, where you are kind to those in your life you love, who truly deserve it.

Don’t stretch yourself thin.

Be yourself. Live your life.

At the end of the day, you will die. Do you want to have lived your life, or some diluted, lacklustre, ugly grey smudgy blob of a life, a sad, empty, colourless, aimless, pathetic attempt at the beautiful, lively, vivid, technicolour life you could have had?

I think that’s the most obvious no-brainer.